Smear Campaign

With election day tomorrow, we've all been seeing a lot of campaign ads. I've especially noticed a lot of attack commercials. You know the type. So and so will come on and say that the other so and so is the devil and eats babies. "A vote for so and so is a vote to have your young consumed by Satan." And on and on it goes.

Well, I'm sorry to admit, but I'm going to bow to the pressure. I believe I've been mostly positive up until now, but the tide is turning. I've decided to launch my very own smear campaign. Now, those of you who know me know that I have a slight nail polish addiction. I have lots of colors, brands and textures. I always have my nails painted, both finger and toe.

But... there are some nail trends that I simply can't abide. Below are the four nail polish trends that are, in my humble opinion, horrific and make you look like a freak. These are in no particular order - all are equally stupid. Observe:

#1 Crackle Nails

I'm starting off on a bit of a controversial note here, as this is a popular trend and available at stores everywhere. However, I strongly encourage you not to partake. Natural colors make your nails look like they're rotting. Bright colors make your nails look like they're on crack. Neither are great looks.

#2 Overly Embellished Nails

This is a fashion trend. Seriously - there are actually people who make a living doing these kinds of nails. This is also a sure-fire way to make an adult look like a clown. Really? What happens if you want to put your hair in a ponytail? Did you even think this through???

#3 Pointy, Claw Nails

This is a current, celebrity trend. Folks like Rihanna and Lada Gaga are often seen sporting painted talons. To me, it just conjours up immages of witches and evil. When someone with pointy nails shows up, all I see is someone enticing me to their house so they can cook me in a stew.

#4 Show Shovel Nails

Wow. Way to do your nails in such a freakish way that you've handicapped yourself from doing anything normal ever again. Seriously. You might as well not even have hands at all if you're going to do shit like this. I hope your nails get stuck in a playground slide on the way down. You know you deserve it.

Whew - there we go. I'm glad I got that off my chest. Please take heed of this warning to avoid these awful, creepy trends. And whatever you do, don't vote for the devil.