Nonsensical Christmas: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

Check out the lyrics to this classic Christmas song below:

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night.
She didn't see me creep
Down the stairs to have a peek
She thought I was tucked
Up in my bedroom fast asleep.

Then, I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white.
Oh, what a laugh it would have been,
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night!

So... yeah. Does this strike anyone else as inappropriate for the holidays? It's billed as a sweet little song for the kids. "Oh, isn't that cute? That child doesn't get that Santa actually is her father!"

But look closer - that kid was tucked into bed hours ago! He/she had to creep down the stairs to spy on the shinanigans happening on the first floor. This begs the question: Why is Dad still dressed up as Santa if all the kids are asleep? It must be for Mom's benefit. Ick. Read between the lines - there's some weird sex thing happening in this house.

Mom seems to have some issues. I guess the follow up song will be called "I saw mommy talking to a therapist last night." Another event the kid should have just staying in their room for.

Merry Christmas! Love you all!

Nonsensical Christmas: Nutcracker

So, The Nutcracker is a famous and beloved Christmas tale about a little girl who receives the present of a nutcracker from her creepy uncle. There have been ballets, ice skating dramas and school plays about it. Am I missing something here? A nutcracker is not a doll. It's not a toy. It's a KITCHEN UTENSIL.

Nutcrackers are aptly titled, as their purpose is to crack open the shells of nuts so you can eat them. Getting a nutcracker as a present is like getting an egg timer.

Or a mixing bowl.

Slapping a face on something does not a toy make. Seriously, if I gave my kids a kitchen utensil for Christmas, they'd wip it back in my face. Ok, so I don't have any kids. But your kids would do the same thing - they've always been a little bratty.

Merry Christmas!

Today I Feel...

Happy Birthday!

I'd be amiss if I didn't wish a Happy Birthday to my good friend Montell Jordan. Yes - Montell Jordan of "This Is How We Do It" fame. We used to be pretty tight back in my high school days. Don't believe me? I'm taken aback by your lack of faith.

Yeah - I rocked kind of a grunge/grandma combination look, but when it works it works. Holla.

Today I Feel...